er.

friends.

steph, guess what. i bet you didnt know (obviously -.-) that i had no best friend when i was in primary school (except for 1) ?? i only realised my primary school friends how close they were to me, only after my graduation. i had less than 10 close friends during that time (primary 5 & 6 ??) , until either some came to be my friend (hardly) or i went up to them (even lesser) .

in secondary school, it was even "better". the start of last year (1st year) was okay, i managed to make a number of friends. all was fine until the second half of the year, where something happened. i became an easy target to get bullied at. i cried about 5 times because of it (sometimes i tried to hold it) , and that time, i only had 2 or 3 friends who helped me through. this year, everything was fine, but i cried again because i was afraid they wouldnt forgive me. (i wasnt even in the wrong in the first place -.-) i started to just do my own thing and try to ignore them, unless they talked to me. i hardly ever made the move to talk to them unless necessary. oh, and guess what. i NEVER went to the class table in the canteen AT ALL (that's where the whole school would usually gather, at their class table(s).) . actually, i did. but since january till now, i've only been at my class table for 15 MINUTES out of 6 MONTHS. then i had an ex-schoolmate in my class, and i started talking to her. soon, i had my small group of friends. but sometimes, i'm alone, for one reason (i think) because i only have them to hang out with. even though i have that small group of friends with me now, i bet none of them truely understand how i feel. and until now, this still remains the same.

conclusion: a good friend is always there for you, but when something bad between you and a friend happens, the best person to trust is yourself. however a best friend is one that goes through thick and thin, rain or shine with you, and hardly leave you alone.

not sure how you feel about that though. anyways this was what i went through, and that's my definition of a friend.

i guess i'll be posting again later.